The New New Way to Enjoy The Cinema

Many movie theater businesses are struggling to remain open, since going out to the movies goes against many COVID safety guidelines. While some movie theaters have reopened in an attempt to make a profit, many more have kept their doors closed. Although it may seem like all hope is lost, there is a proposed solution. There is a new invention, called the “CinemaSuit,” created by Luxurious Luxuries Inc., which can save movie cinemas once and for all.

The “CinemaSuit” is designed to be worn by any person who wishes to enter a movie theater and enjoy a summer blockbuster on the big screen. It was created by retired NASA scientist, Neil Armlong. When asked what inspired this design he told reporters, “Space suits, but for Earth! Hmm… maybe I should have called them Earth suits.” As you can tell, Armlong’s mind is always at work, trying to figure out new ways to help the human race! 

The design of the suit is sleek and modern; for instance, it has a helmet equipped with a radio so the wearer can tune into any station they wish (in case the movie they are watching is boring). There is also a speaker fitted inside of the helmet to magnify the wearer’s voice, making it easier to communicate. The body of the suit consists of three layers of bacteria and virus killing cloths, all designed by the soon to be legendary Blueberry Chanel fashion team. The inside of the suit is also designed with internal wiring, leading to three mini heating and cooling systems dispersed throughout the “CinemaSuit.” These can be turned on manually, or through the suit’s internal thermometer (which has been programmed to never allow the internal temperature of the suit to be over 98 degrees). There is also a built in safety mechanism that shoots out an air bubble that will protect the wearer from any threats trying to get within a six feet zone of the suit. If anything is within six feet of the suit’s radar for more than three seconds, the suit’s alarm system will be triggered, providing an adequate warning to the offender. If the offender does not move away from the “CinemaSuit” within the next ten seconds, an air bubble with a radius of six feet will be shot out (in order to protect the “CinemaSuit” inhabitant) and three gallons worth of disinfectant will be sprayed into the surrounding area. 

These are the inventions of the future, folks, and they will truly lead us to a greater, safer, and brighter future. If anyone is interested in purchasing a “CinemaSuit” they can order them online at the “CinemaSuit” , and yes please include the quotation marks. At check out you can type in code 13JJheoaobcbaiowoqowywueiro28930117436dbdjaowowiJjjUuYtDdFvbO18373, and you will save an additional 3% off of your purchase. So what are you waiting for? The movies are ready for you to experience them in a whole new new way.

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