Mr Bauer has recently announced that he will step down as principal of MHS in order to pursue a career in gymnastics and extreme sports, having been seen leaving Marblehead High School doing sick skateboard tricks while carrying a boombox playing the eurobeat song “DEJA VU” by Dave Rodgers. Also, teachers are now required to wear hazmat suits and carry flamethrowers at all times in order to meet the requirements of the new sanitation laws passed by Congress on Saturday.
In other news, recently people have been panicking about the COVID-19 pandemic and hoarding basic necessities out of fear of there being shortages of those supplies, causing there to be shortages of those supplies. Well, now we have more to panic about as a doorway to the dark dimension has been opened in Florida, causing fire sharks, shadow demons, creatures made entirely of tendrils and mouths, creatures that cause you to go insane if you look at them, and other eldritch horrors to emerge.
I interviewed a few people who were in the area when the doorway was opened, such as Johnathan “Johnny” Johnson who had apparently been possessed, and all he had to say on the situation was “Formido et tenebrae novissima: devorabitque terram” and a bunch of inhuman screeches. I also attempted to interview Paul, who had witnessed the opening of the doorway, but he had black smoke coming from his eyes and mouth and could not speak. Another witness was quoted as saying “it’s not that big of a deal, I feel like people are overreacting” whilst black fire erupted from cracks in the ground around him. I also got a word from one of the beings who entered our realm through the Florida Portal, named Daemonium Mortis, who said “Hoc est pulchellus bonum meum novum macula in domum suam” before cheerfully returning to building a pyramid out of obsidian.