Listen. We understand that our current superintendent is relatively new and only here for a few more months, but this is getting ridiculous. It’s now our eighteenth snow day in a row, and there still has not been one flake! We’ve now lost Good Friday, Easter, and April Vacation over this so-called “blizzard.” This is New England, people. We’ve toughened up over the years and can handle going to school in a little snow. Has the superintendent seen our arsenal of snow plows?
We understand the necessity of preparation. Precautionary measures are always appreciated. But come on! There has not been snow on the ground for weeks. We know we were all hounding the administration for a snow day in January, but we think they took our request a little too far. How did one day turn into the loss of spring sports, prom, and our final year in high school?
Exercising our impressive journalistic talents, we’ve developed a theory. What if this entire snowstorm is a ruse crafted by the superintendent for a vacation? Unfortunately, the plane companies have adopted the fear instilled by the snowstorm and have cancelled all flights. Whoops! Additionally, schools across the nation, in an attempt to take a “better safe than sorry” approach, have fallen victim to his tricks and also declared snow days for at least the next month. It’s impressive how influential our interim superintendent has become worldwide. Even warmer states such as Florida and Texas have declared snow days in preparation for this major storm. We sincerely doubt that Florida is going to get any snow, but apparently they’re gullible enough to overlook facts.
Don’t worry thought—We’ve taken it upon ourselves to visit the school and interview people in the pursuit of the answers we all need. Unfortunately, our only available interviewees were the janitors, and they suspiciously refused to come fewer than six feet away from us. Interesting. We didn’t know snow storms were contagious. Regardless, the janitors do not seem all that concerned; they’ve never seen the school so clean!
Stay safe, everyone. Snow storms can be dangerous. Don’t forget to bundle up!