Charlie Seliger, Sophomore
I am going to present you with a mildly uncomfortable scenario. It is mid-winter, or early spring if you’re the optimistic type. You’re on the way to a swim meet, or basketball game, or a capella event… the destination isn’t relevant, instead, the person beside you is. The bus is bursting with people, leaving no space for a solo sitter; all of your close friends have a torpifying case of the common cold. You are seated with someone you know too well to ignore, yet not enough to be comfortable around. Let’s say this drive is 45 minutes long, and neither of you remembered headphones. Sounds terribly awkward, right? I’m sorry to do this to you. If you’re anything like me, you’re currently scrambling for topics of discussion like you would a life raft. Small talk is dreadful, but silence is worse. You can’t talk about the weather; that’s already known to be under the umbrella of small talk (do you see what I did there?). Talking about your destination can only get you so far (look at me go!). What’s left? Hmmm…
In the back of your mind you register what song is playing over the speakers. It’s not an awful song, but you probably wouldn’t listen to it if you had the choice. Struck by inspiration, you blurt, “I hate this song.” Success—this sparks a brief exchange. It’s a small respite from the discomfort, but it’s something. Since you feel you’ve cracked the code, you next complain about the cold, then of your exhaustion, then comment on how you would rather not be traveling by bus. Complaining is easy and relatable since everyone does it, especially adolescents; we’re all a bunch of whiners. However, the more it is utilized to avoid the void, the more its negative vibes impact the psyche. Have you heard the phrase, “Fake it till you make it?” Or, if you’re a retired crystal girlie such as myself, you might be familiar with “manifesting,” in other words, using thoughts to bring a goal into physical reality. It all sounds a little silly, but believe it or not, things you say become what you feel. After all that complaining, aimless conversation or not, it’s likely that you feel worse. Let’s return to that song you threw under the bus (wasn’t that clever?). At this point you’ve convinced yourself to like it just a bit less, and that does you no good. Mithering about the cold doesn’t make one warmer, nor does bemoaning fatigue make one full of vim and vigor. We become unhappy for virtually no reason.
Lately, I’ve been attempting to combat my whiny instincts when it comes to small talk. Instead of searching for inconsequential vexations, I rely on equally inconsequential pleasures. If I’m to say vapid things for the sake of conversation, I might as well do it with a positive lens. Upbeat comments can guide an interaction forward and make one a bit more cheerful overall. For example, “I love it when it snows” is a much more enticing opener than “My boots are soggy.” Yes, the appeal of an easy, mindless complaint is almost impossible to resist, especially when the alternative is awkward silence. However, embracing mundane positivity may be the way to go. You and your hypothetical bus buddy are already uncomfortable, so there’s no point in adding more negative emotions to the mix. Go say some nice things.