April 2020/21
Creative

Sports Are on a Roll, and Athletes Are Having a Ball!

Track will be run full hamster style with the exception of the throwing events. For jumpers and hurdlers, there will be zorbs with extra elasticity to optimize bounciness and allow for peak performance.

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April 2020/21
Creative

The New New Way to Enjoy The Cinema

If the offender does not move away from the “CinemaSuit” within the next ten seconds, an air bubble with a radius of six feet will be shot out (in order to protect the “CinemaSuit” inhabitant) and three gallons worth of disinfectant will be sprayed into the surrounding area.

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April 2020/21
Creative

Zoom A Capella: A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

To quote one musical genius, “To sing on Zoom is to hear a symphony of voices from people who don’t know what in the world they are supposed to be doing.” ~ Beethoven, probably.

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April 2020/21
Creative

Rebranding Marblehead

Although both the School Committee and the community are overjoyed with finding the perfect name for our perfect next generation, they couldn’t help but wish they could use some of the other great suggestions thought up in preparation for the vote.

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April 2020/21
Creative

Attention MHS Students: New Schedule Coming Fall 2021

Although students will need time to adjust to the unorthodox structure of this course, they will learn invaluable emergency preparedness skills that will prove useful in our age of clone armies and drone warfare.

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April 2020/21
Creative

Chimps Make Next Step Towards Planet of the Apes

Some of the leading primatologists such as former supervillain Elizabeth Smith believe that this increase in spare time could lead to further technological and/or social advancements in chimpanzees, similar to how it did for humans.

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Breaking
Coronavirus
World

When Can Kids Get the COVID Vaccine?

While it has been shown that children don’t transmit the virus at the same rate as adults, they can still spread it. By vaccinating kids all the people they come in contact with will be protected, including parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, and any other adults children may be around.

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Culture
Opinion
Uplifting

Writing Without Knowing What You Want to Say

And yet, when I was eight years old and pressed my pencil too hard onto each page, was my writing worse than it is today? Sure, I have practiced advanced techniques and shared complex ideas, but has this pursuit only complicated my once simple understanding of what it means to write?

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Coronavirus
Opinion
School

MHS Needs a Plan for Self-Isolating Students

While satisfaction varied, my peers consistently mentioned a lack of consistency in communication and between the plans of individual classes. According to student testimony, MHS does not have a standardized education plan for students under quarantine.

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