In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy D’Amelio

As you have probably heard by now, Charli D’Amelio has surpassed 40 million followers on TikTok, and I dare say, it was one of the most (if not the most) monumental moments of this Millenium. Not only has Charli proven herself a wonderful dancer, influencer, and Dunkin’ coffee drinker, but she is also a prophet. Many have already compared her to Jesus Christ, as she overcame bullying at her high school. I think I speak for all of us when I say that Charli has shown us that you can get through tough times and become extremely famous while doing so. 

As I mentioned before, Charli has been compared to Jesus, but I would like to say that I think she is my “Personal Jesus.” Two days ago when I was making Toaster Strudel, a burnt piece flew out of my toaster. I went to check it, and I saw a face burnt into its back. Although I couldn’t quite tell if it was Dixie’s or Charli’s, I assume it was the latter, since the strudel was doing the Renegade. Just as I thought as I was “Losing My Religion,” I thought that I heard her laughing. I thought that I heard her sing, I thought that I saw her try. Trying to tell me, “Like a Prayer,” all the things that I could accomplish. Because of her, I was inspired to sing Raini Rodrigeuz’s masterpiece “Living Your Dreams” on an Instagram live hosted by @mhspreformingarts01945. 

I recommend that you all create shrines in your bedrooms that are dedicated to these immortal legends, as I have. We MUST worship this new Messiah, for, since the dawn of time, everything has led up to her birth. Everything that happened before was a MISTAKE, and should not be remembered, and I live by that. Period. 

Miranda Connolly

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